Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
