When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i drank out of a bidet.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
