I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
