I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
