I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
