she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
