did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
