i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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