I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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