Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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