Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
how does that bad decision feel?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
