For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
