i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
