things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
