Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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