This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
