I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
