once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize