I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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