god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Randomize
