i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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