well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
