8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
