Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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