I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize