her vagine was all disorganized.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
