I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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