Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
