Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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