You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
