see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
