They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
