U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
