remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize