But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
