1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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