Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
