of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Mom said you looked used
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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