Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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