You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
