Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
