Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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