Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
