honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
