I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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