one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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