Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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