I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
