Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
