Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
