Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
