My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you would pick up someone in the library
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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