Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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