Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
