why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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