u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
