They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize