so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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