i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
