I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
