dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
