I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
