Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
