Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
